Taking a Perspective Break

One of the least accurately used words in the English language is need. It is used as a substitute for want, in the sense of really wanting something. The logic of need is one thing, but the emotion kicks in to make that substitution of need for want so often that two very distinct terms become interchangeable. Losing the sense of that difference leads to unhappiness.

One of the core skills behind successful behavior in the dimension of perspective is the ability to clearly see the difference.

This idea was reinforced by a recent interview in the business section of The Atlantic, “Why So Many Smart People Aren’t Happy” with the author of a book by the same title. After basic needs are met, research shows that there are just three things needed for happiness: “having meaningful social relationships, being good at whatever it is one spends one’s days doing, and having the freedom to make life decisions independently.” These are not necessarily related to intelligence, level of education or wealth.

You may remember news from a 2017 Princeton University study presenting evidence that happiness increases with earnings only up to about $75,000 per year. "The lower a person's annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don't report any greater degree of happiness."

Additional intelligence, education or success does not keep people from making common mistakes like comparing themselves to others. Whenever there is a comparison, there will always be a winner and a loser. More ambitious people tend to compare themselves to others with higher levels of accomplishment and across more fields of interest. They end up the loser more often.

In terms of these faulty comparisons, having a grasp of economic understanding comes into play. With a scarcity mentality, people assume that any gain must be offset by a loss for another, and conversely they believe that someone else only comes out ahead (or gets rich) by taking from everyone else. This kind of thinking is demonstrably wrong, but it is convenient fodder for politicians and groups trying to stoke discontent against successful businesses or individuals. (This discontentment does not lead to happiness.)

Working for big rewards and recognition are not advisable. Not only do you put yourself at the mercy of other people’s opinions (and biases), the thrill of the award or pay raise soon wears off leaving you yearning for the next one.

All these false and unadvisable comparisons, this jealousy of someone doing better and this yearning for the next prize or reward, lead to mistaking wants for needs. Using a very Spartan definition, basic needs include air, water, food, basic shelter and adequate clothing. All else is a luxury.The new dress or bigger car is not a need. People lived for centuries without electricity, indoor plumbing and handheld entertainment. Not too many years ago, if you wanted to make a phone call while driving, it required a stop to find a pay phone. Little more than one hundred years ago a major problem in big cities was dead horses abandoned in the street!

Remembering facts like these from time to time gives the perspective to moderate the yearning, to identify, or at least prioritize, the wants.

An extreme example come from the news last week where “an 11-year-old northern Indiana boy shot and wounded his state-trooper father because he was upset that his parents took away his video games.” He got the gun from his father’s locked police vehicle. 

That shows poor perspective – even for a young boy; but how many older and more mature Americans have similar, if less violent reactions, when their wants are blocked or hampered? How many have trouble distinguishing wants from needs? A walk through the mall on a weekend afternoon (at a time when personal debt is at an all-time high) gives a pretty good picture.