I found this essay on the website bullies2buddies.com. It discusses bullying in detail and argues
persuasively that anti-bullying legislation is not effective because a
government can’t force moral behavior on its citizens; and that our children
learn from our behavior about both sides of the relationship, by our response
to bullying and by the tacit endorsement of victimhood within our society. We need to teach, by example, both how to be less
offending toward each other and how to be less vulnerable to offensive
behavior. The essay concludes: “If we are to have any chance of achieving a
meaningful reduction in bullying, there is one fact we all need to recognize:
There is only one person in the world who can get people to treat you well. And
that person is you.”
This is a clear call for increased responsibility. A bullying interaction requires two
parties. While we try to discourage the
bully by education, policies and punishment – so far not very successfully,
what role models do we provide for the target of the bully? There is a lot of evidence that victimhood
has become more acceptable, even popular in recent years.
It’s usually easier to react with outrage or offense rather than with a reasoned response. I have been keeping a folder labeled “Outrage” where I collect examples of such behavior. This ranges all the way from
sexual harassment laws that judge purely on the basis of the offended party’s
feelings, disregarding the intent of the offender, to Super Bowl halftime shows
that shock viewers into protest. People
in public positions “walk on eggshells” to avoid giving offense. One opinion columnist was taken to task for
using the expression “man up” in an article, accused of insulting a whole gender. Last year a McDonalds ad was accused of being
insensitive to pit bulls by using the simile of petting a stray pit bull to
indicate danger. An anti-Obama political
statement on a billboard in Elkhart, IN earned the wrath of 25 people who
claimed to be offended. Iowa passed a
law protecting white deer, not for biological reasons, but because of an uproar
in the 1980s when a hunter shot one during hunting season. A man protested the display of a Chinese flag
next to an American flag outside a Chinese company’s operation in the Midwest
(providing jobs for Americans). Finally,
the Easter bunny, in fact any reference to Easter, has been banned from at least one elementary school to “respect and honor everyone’s differences” and
in response to some parents' concerns.
Reasons to be upset or offended seem endless, but create a
serious problem by inhibiting the free exchange of ideas and opinions. This is the main problem with political
correctness. There are instances of
college professors expressing personal opinions on Muslims and homosexuals
leading to student protests and calls for their resignation. In 2005 at Harvard, Lawrence Summers, who later
served as an advisor in the Obama administration, expressed an opinion that men
were better than women in math and science due in part to “innate differences”
between the sexes. This was met, not
with contrary evidence or reasoned discussion, but with protests and demands
for his resignation. Even if these
people are dead wrong, attempts to invalidate their arguments are overwhelmed by
the need to silence them through personal attacks. Outrage trumps reasoned disagreement every
time.
Indeed bullying is a problem we hear about nearly every
day. Some call it epidemic. Is it really worse than ever because of the
internet and smart phones, or can at least part of the increase in reported
incidents be attributed to the fact that Americans are less inclined to take
care of themselves, turning to authorities and policies to protect them from hurt
feelings? Our behaviors as a society
popularize and glorify the ability to claim victimhood, to claim offense and
demand an apology. Isn’t it reasonable to
assume that this widespread modeling of victimhood and encouraging people to
define themselves as victims undermine their ability to cope with adversity and make them more sensitive to slights and insults, actually exacerbating the
problem?
Now some people may think it is insensitive even to raise
the notion that bullying is a two-way street and that some responsibility must
lie in the reaction of the target to the bully.
I hope such people would take the time to develop and defend a
well-reasoned counter-argument rather than use their outrage and offense to suppress an uncomfortable idea by attacking the messenger.
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