Compassion and Tolerance

One of the purposes (or maybe just a side effect) of my writing is to inspire readers to investigate or to think about the world in a slightly different way.  The entry last week about mindfulness and focus seems to have done the trick in at least one case.

I received an email with several embedded links and the conclusion:  “It is interesting that longer and deeper thinking tends to lead people to more compassionate and tolerant approaches.”  I dug deeper and began to think that ideas like this that we take for granted are not so simple.

The words compassion and tolerance have become very popular.  At least a couple research organizations are on a campaign to convince as many as possible that these two mental attitudes will combine to yield a more successful future for the world.  We need more, and mindfulness training for adults and children may be the key.

I am inclined to ask:  How do we measure compassion and tolerance, and more important, what are they?

Whenever I see words like more or better, I believe some measurement must be involved.  Finding metrics for mental activity can be deceptive.  Self-reporting is always suspect.  One way to identify compassion is to observe some behavior and label it compassionate, but such classification is impossible without a clear definition.  Someone must define what behaviors demonstrate compassion.  How do we know it when we see it?  As researchers report more positive brain scans on compassionate people, they still must have a definition that distinguishes compassion from other traits.  The same goes for tolerance.

The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education operating at Stanford says, “Compassion unfolds in response to suffering,” recognizing it, feeling empathy and concern, which “motivates us to take action, and help relieve that suffering.”  They promote compassion by saying, “With compassion, our empathy for the suffering of others can give rise to altruism – bringing immediate and long-term happiness and tranquillity [sic] to our lives.”  (But technically, if we are motivated to do it by the good feelings it gives us, that’s hardly altruism.)  A simple dictionary definition of compassion is concern for the suffering of others.  But, since no one can go into people’s head and actually see it, they must infer this concern from observing behavior – she did or said this or that, therefore, she is compassionate.  Then they can observe and classify the brain scans.

But here’s where it gets tricky.  When others are suffering, is it always wise or proper to step in and “take action, and help relieve that suffering”?  Is that always the best solution?  Sometimes suffering is the result of bad luck or natural disaster or birth defect, but sometimes suffering is the direct result of the action or inaction of the individual.

Behavior has consequences.  The purpose of those consequences is to encourage or discourage similar behavior.  In bowling, the feedback comes from the number of pins knocked down.  If you get a strike, try to do the same thing again.  If you get a gutter ball, make a change.  A coach can work with the bowler on technique and equipment as long as the bowler is dedicated to improving.  If the bowler is not interested and expects the coach to do the bowling for him, the consequences have failed; any lesson is lost.  If the bowler decides on a course of action that results in him being unable to roll the ball, no coaching will help.

Likewise in life, immoderate compassion, the taking action to relieve the suffering when the suffering is self-inflicted, crosses the line from aiding to enabling.  Yet so many people are motivated by that “happiness and tranquility” that it brings to our lives and fail to see the long term damage it does to others and to society.

Parents who give in to a child’s every desire or step in to solve every problem are not being compassionate, even as they believe they are recognizing suffering and taking action to relieve it.  They are robbing the child of valuable lessons on how to survive as an unselfish, responsible grownup.  Likewise a society that steps in to assist all adults who appear to be suffering regardless of the source of the suffering are, in some cases, negating the consequences (lessons) of poor decisions, encouraging a continuation of that behavior and possibly contaminating others.

Bad things happen when we get carried away by our emotions and our caring but are still rewarded by those feelings of happiness and tranquility.  It’s called unintended consequences. Compassion requires care as well as caring.

And what of tolerance:  The willingness to tolerate opinions or behaviors one does not necessarily agree with?  This too is difficult and will be taken up next time.