Effects of Social Media

I recently received an email from an astute reader with a link to an essay by a mom concerned about the negative effects of social media on children and puzzled about how to protect them from these dangers.

It began innocently enough when her daughter asked for permission to use an app called Musical.ly so she can make funny lip-sync videos like her friends were doing.  Before committing, the mom took time to review the app, which turned out to be not so innocent after all.

It was one of many websites without parental controls so she couldn't block overly adult and violent themes. As she points out: “Tweens and teens have an underdeveloped frontal cortex. They’re impulsive and self-centered. They make terrible decisions and they can be meaner than a bull shark.” Some content and behavior is clearly not appropriate for their immature minds.

Yet on this app the children who gain followers are the ones who dress and act in overly adult and sexy ways. “The kids who get it wrong – those not ‘sexy’ enough, funny enough, savvy enough –  are openly ridiculed in the comment section” and may find their embarrassment preserved forever on YouTube. Children are also exposed to subjects like self-harm, suicide and anorexia with no guidance except from other children.

So the answer was “no” on the app, but she has problems with the effects of social media on children in general.  Formerly, any bullying or embarrassment from a bad day at school could be left behind afterward. With social media, the bullying and teasing follow them home and can be with them all the time. “Online, there is no school bell, there is no escape” from reminders of mistakes. The ridicule is permanent. In addition kids may obsess about how many likes they get in this imaginary popularity contest, inspiring them to push the envelope in unhealthy ways.

That mom’s solution is to say no to social media for children and give them flip phones instead, despite the nerdy image.

But that’s just the kids. Don’t we have similar things going on with adults, especially since we’ve learned to weaponize social media?

In a recent example American Greetings was forced to pull a Father’s Day card that they intended as “playful,” when one customer “took to social media” (as the saying now goes).  According to CBS, her “post led to images of the card being circulated online, prompting a stream of commentary on social media and an attempt at making amends by American Greetings.”  The company released a statement saying, "We appreciate the feedback and apologize. It's never our intent to offend any of our guests with the products we sell” but they also felt that objections did not consider the affectionate wording on the inside of the card.

I assure you I am no prude, but I have seen any number of greeting cards on the racks that I would not send to any family member or friend. Someone may have thought the cards were playful but they struck me as crude, in poor taste and mostly not funny. On the other hand, I would never imagine taking to social media to stir up a bunch of disgruntled strangers – and there are plenty out there – to back me up in my attempt to shame the company into pulling them.  I am responsible for my own feelings, not some card company. I also have a responsibility to others whose tastes differ from mine to allow them to buy these cards if they so choose.  (Let the market decide, not a few fusspots with computers.)

But it doesn’t stop with attacks on corporations. Personal attacks abound on social media as those with opposite points of view are accused of being stupid, mean, evil and hateful (sometimes based on faulty information and sometimes based on purposely erroneous information). People excoriate cyber-friends, real friends and even family, arguing, insulting, shaming, un-friending, blocking and trolling. Social media may not have caused this behavior, but it certainly allows and encourages it.

With the speed of technological advances, where is it leading and what are we losing?  Maybe we would all be better off with flip-phones.