Sometimes we get caught up in the emotion.
It may be lack of perspective where we don’t appreciate what
we have, and don’t appreciate that most Americans are far better off than those
in other parts of the world and far better off than our grandparents were only
50 years ago. We get excited about new
opportunities, adventures or acquisitions and forget about gratitude. Instant gratification trumps planning for the
future. Sometimes expectations are so
high that we set ourselves up for disappointments.
It may be lack of critical thinking. Looking at the facts is never as much fun as
living in a pretend world or persuading ourselves that the details don’t really
matter. Again we develop unrealistic
expectations and are let down by reality, sometimes seriously.
Two recent stories serve as interesting examples.
A table on this website shows the average wedding cost in
the United States for 2014 is up to $31,213 (excluding honeymoon). Information comes from “The Knot 2014 Real
Weddings Study” of 16,000 couples. Now
this survey is not going to include couples that just stop by a Justice of the
Peace or have a private wedding. It most
likely includes formal weddings, those involving wedding planners and such. Also
an average can be skewed by a few very expensive Hollywood affairs, but still! –
That number represents the cost of a respectable middle class house in 1970.
It would not be out of line to mention that according to information from The Economist, Americans lead the industrialized world in both
frequency of divorce and brevity of marriages.
Divorced couples stay together only about eight years before going
separate ways.
This is clearly an expectations problem. Little girls grow up dreaming about their
wedding and being the star of the show. (If
the smallest thing goes wrong the whole affair may be declared a disaster – all
that money down the drain!) We know what
little boys grow up thinking about, which motivates them to keep the peace and
go along with any plans. The point
is: it’s the marriage that counts, not
the wedding. It’s a shame that in
America today it’s likely that your tattoo will last longer than your average
marriage. Let’s just hope the people
spending $31,000 on a wedding are not the same ones owing an average of $29,000
on student loans.
The second example comes from this USA Today report on low
morale in the military. “More than half
of some 770,000 soldiers are pessimistic about their future in the military and
nearly as many are unhappy in their jobs, despite a six-year, $287 million
campaign to make troops more optimistic and resilient.” This clearly says something about military
leadership, but I was astonished to read a summary of comments from two sources
that “the results are not surprising” given the realities of
“[f]ourteen years of war and recent decisions to downsize.” Wait a minute; if war is a reason for low
morale, it’s pretty clear these soldiers joined with unrealistic expectations. That’s what an army does: train for war or go
to war. People shoot at you and you
shoot back.
I recently heard of a young man who couldn’t find a job and
decided to join the army. While he was
in basic training, both he and his wife were surprised and angry that he
couldn’t take time off to attend his daughter’s first communion. They apparently didn’t understand that
members of the military often spend extended periods of time away from their
families and often do not get to choose when or for how long that occurs. They were too busy concentrating on the
prospect of getting a first assignment in Hawaii. Imagine their surprise if he goes to war
instead! With these expectations – partly
the fault of overzealous recruiters only interested in making the “numbers” and
partly the fault of the enlistee failing to do enough research – it is not a
mystery that morale is low.
Sometimes we get caught up in the emotion and forget that realistic
and appropriate expectations are so important to a happy life.
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